A Pleasant Doomed Timeline: Fire the Canon, Sink These Ships
by Nitocolus
Summary: One-Shot, AU: Eridan and Vriska convince their friends to participate in a game of FLARP. They promise to play safe, but how much can you trust old Dualscar and Mindfang? Contains: KanEri, TaVrisk, GamRezi, SolFef, KatNep and EqAra. Fast-paced romance, mainly KanEri. Aradia never died, Tavros was never paralyzed. Don't like, don't read. No flames, please. First Homestuck fic.


"Navig8or, set a course for the Isle of Tears!" a voice cut out sharply, causing the heterochromatic ship's pilot to cringe.

"Gog, fiine! Ju2t quiit 2creechiing all the fuckiing tiime!" Sollux Captor snapped back before muttering under his breath, "Captaiin Huge Biitch."

"That's Marquise "Huge 8itch" to you, Mr. Patches!" Vriska Serket shot back.

"Why do you even have me naviigatiing or piilotiing the 2hiip?!"Sollux growled, "Ii'm fuckiing bliind!"

"Only half the time." Vriska shrugged.

"OH MY GOG, WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS?" a particularly crabby crewmate said, "BESIDES, I THOUGHT I WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SINKING ALTAR TO STUPIDITY?"

"You are the captain, Karkat." Vriska smiled maliciously, "It's just that I'm the admiral and outrank you."

"Ii thought you were the Marquii2e." Sollux sniggered.

"Shut your gru8 hole, Patches, or I'll throw you over8oard!"

"My name ii2 2ollux, damniit!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR BY THOSE FAKE-ASS CLOWN DEITIES AND THE REST OF GAMZEE'S CHUCKLEVOODOO HOOFBEAST-SHIT RELIGION, I WILL PERSONALLY CONNECT MY TROLL-CONVERSES TO YOUR RESPECTIVE NUTRITION CHUTES AND SEND THE TWO OF YOU SPIRALLING INTO THIS GOGFORSAKEN SEA." Karkat Vantas demanded.

"Ye2 captaiin." "Sure thing, 8oss." his crew returned, though he could tell by their smirks how much they really meant it. Rolling his eyes, Karkat chose to check on the rest of his crew.

"TAV! DO YOU SEE THE HIPSTER DOUCHEBAG'S VESSEL?" Karkat called out.

Against all odds, all of his friends had been convinced to participate in one of Eridan Ampora and Vriska Serket's (in)famous roleplaying sessions. Terezi Pyrope and Aradia Megido had signed up with Vriska and Tavros, keeping their old teams alive. Sollux, not wanting anything to do with Eridan's team, also sided with Vriska and Karkat reluctantly agreed to join after some annoying mock pleading from Terezi. Finally, Vriska managed to forcefully drag Tavros Nitram onto her team through insults, somehow. Feferi Peixes stuck with her moirail Eridan, while Equius Zahhak joined to follow the Highbloods and dragged his moirail, Nepeta Leijon onto his team. Kanaya Maryam and Gamzee Makara joined Eridan's crew out of a lack of options and a sense of indifference. Gamzee was too mellow to care and Kanaya didn't put too much thought into roleplaying.

"Uh, I'm not, uh, sure." Tavros stammered, fumbling with a spyglass while trying to stay secure in the ship's crow's nest. "What's it, um, look like?"

"IT'S THE ONLY OTHER FUCKING SHIP OUT THERE, TAV." Karkat sighed, "BUT IF I HAD TO BE MORE SPECIFIC, I'D VENTURE TO GUESS IT'S FLAMBOYANT WITH UNNECESSARY GOLD TRIM AND SOME SELF-AGRANDIZING FLAG WITH HIS SYMBOL ON IT MORE THAN LIKELY."

"Oh, now I see it." Tavros said, "They're on the, um, other side of the island."

"WAIT, DID MY DESCRIPTION ACTUALLY HELP YOU SPOT IT?"

"Uh, yeah."

"HE HAS A GOLD-LINED SHIP AND A FLAG WITH HIS SYMBOL ON IT?"

"He's, uh, got the flag." Tavros shrugged, "I wouldn't say the ship's, um, lined in gold. Just has some, uh, ornate trim and chests overflowing with gold decorating his deck."

"OH MY GOG, THAT EGOTISTICAL DOUCHE." Karkat facepalmed. No wonder Vriska was his Kismesis; the guy was so easy to hate!

"Steady as she goes, Mr. Sollux!" Vriska shouted, "Ready the dingies, Redglare!" Terezi giggled and motioned for Karkat to come with her.

"Oh c4pt41n, my c4pt41n!" she said, "1 could us3 som3 h3lp w1th th3s3 bo4ts!"

"BAH! GET ARADIA TO DO IT." Karkat rolled his eyes, slightly flustered, "A CAPTAIN SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BOTHER WITH GRUNT WORK ANYWAY."

"Hmph." Terezi huffed, "1 gu3ss 1 shouldn't h4v3 3xp3ct3d 4s much from 4 cr4nky nub-horns." A mischievous smiled creased her lips as Karkat spun around, scowling.

"MY HORNS AREN'T THAT NUBBY!" Karkat shot back, before looking around, "WHERE IS MEGIDO, ANYWAY?"

"Right here." Aradia seemed to pop out of no where, smiling.

"JEGUS, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM? NEVERMIND, I STOPPED CARING. HELP TEREZI WITH THE STUPID LIFEBOATS."

"They're not life8oats! They're dingies." Vriska informed the frustrated captain, "You know, for 8eing a captain, you sure don't know a lot a8out maritime terminology."

"WHO CARES?" Karkat fumed, "LET'S JUST GET OFF THIS REEKING HEAP OF FAILURE AND WIN THIS STUPID GAME ALREADY!"

"Wwe're shore to wwin this game." Eridan laughed wickedly, "All Vvrisk has on her side are a buncha dirtscrapin', landdwwellin' lowwbloods! And wwhat havve we got?"

"Four dirtscraping trolls, one of t) (em a lowblood and two s-Eadwellers." Feferi smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but wwe havve mostly highbloods wwith us." Eridan argued, slightly derailed.

"You Are Aware We Can Hear Everything You Two Are Saying, Correct?" Kanaya asked.

"Wwell, you knoww wwhen I talk about most a' the dirtscrapers, that's barrin' you guys." Eridan explained, "Especially you, Kan." Kanaya rolled her eyes but smiled. Eridan was an ass and an egotistical douche at times, but he was loyal to his friends at least.

"We're not going to have to hurt anyone, are we?" Nepeta asked.

"I would hope not." Equius noted, "I wouldn't want any bad b100d between us and our friends, even if they are unruly lowb100ds."

"Vvrisk and I havve been playin' these games for sweeps." Eridan smirked, "Neither one of us has bought it. Yet."

"That's Not Very Reassuring." Kanaya folded her arms.

"Oh relax, wwill ya?" Eridan scowled, "No wwonder Vvrisk refers to you as a meddler. Alwways meddlin' and fussin' in other people's business." Kanaya scowled but didn't say anything.

"I tRuSt ThE mOtHeRfUcKeR." Gamzee smiled. The rest of the party tended to forget he was there since he zoned out so often.

"I t) (ink we s) (ould k-E-Ep moving." Feferi offered, "Vriska's team will get a) (ead of us if w-E take too long."

"Fef's right." Eridan stood, straightening his cape and flipping his scarf over his shoulders, "Let's keep movvin'."

They marched for about an hour, letting Nepeta lead and cut down the island's foilage with her claws, muttering her roleplaying as if she were some kind of jungle cat. Eridan was close behind her, Ahab's Crosshairs in his hands and ready to fire. Feferi and Kanaya were behind Eridan, talking about things that Eridan found he had a hard time listening to. Girl things, he supposed. Gamzee and Equius were covering the rear. If Eridan didn't know better, he'd think Equius was sweating at something Gamzee was saying, but it could have easily been the jungle heat.

It wasn't long after that they reached a clearing. In the center was a step-pyramid with a strange gem at its peak. Everyone of the trolls stopped dead in their tracks, mesmorized by the gem. They didn't even notice the other team enter the clearing and stop to admire the gem. As both teams stood there, oblivious to the other's presence, Vriska and Eridan looked around and locked eyes. Panic and competitive rage showed on their faces.

"It's the enemy team!" they shouted in unison, snapping their teammates out of their stupors.

"Wwipe the floor wwith them so wwe can grab the loot an' get outta here!"

"8reak those idiots so we can get the 8ooty!"

"1 thought w3 w3r3 go1ng 34sy so w3 don't k1ll our fr13nds." Terezi interjected.

"I t) (oug) (t we weren't going to ) (urt anyone, -Eridan." Feferi likwise reminded her team leader.

"Oh yeah." both leaders noted in disappointment.

"Just 8ruise them up or something." Vriska ordered, exasperated. What a party of n00bs.

"Wwell, just do somethin'." Eridan shrugged, "Knock them unconcious, I guess?"

The two teams charged towards each other, except for their leaders who readied their respective weapons. It wasn't long before the teams were paired off into duels.

"AC pounces at her beloved Karkitty!" Nepeta continued to narrate her roleplaying experience as she rushed into combat with Karkat. Karkat arced his sickle towards her, but she easily caught it with her claws, "(Nice try.)" Nepeta winked and Karkat rolled his eyes, blushing.

Terezi struck out against Gamzee with her cane, but he parried with a swinging juggling club.

"You'r3 w4nt3d for poss3ss1on of 1ll3g4l contr1b4nd, clown!" Terezi smirked, "How do you pl34d?"

"MoThErFuCkInG gUiLtY." Gamzee matched Terezi's smirk with his own painted grin.

"That's quite an e%quisite specimen you are riding, lowb100d." Equius complimented his opponent while dodging lance strikes.

"You really, um, think so?" Tavros asked from atop his hatched hoofbeast, "I, uh, raised him myself."

"It 100ks to be very STRONG."

"It is, um. Would you like to ride it?"

"After this game is through, I will consider your gracious offer." Equius said before adding, "Lowb100d."

"Lii2ten Fef, nothiing per2onal." Sollux shrugged, levitating off the ground before the seadwelling princess, "Iif Ii could, Ii'd go after your douche of a moiiraiil, but Vrii2k called diib2 on hiim. Bluh bluh, huge biitch."

"Don't worry about it, Sol." Feferi smiled, "T) (is is all about ) (aving fun, right?"

"Yeah, Ii gue22." Sollux shrugged again, "Anyway, how do you want to do thii2? Liike, Ii attack fiir2t, or- Whoa!" Sollux barely avoided a well-aimed 2x3dent at his head. So that's how she wanted it.

Aradia and Kanaya merely stood at ease, smiling.

"You Must Be Aradia Megido." Kanaya said.

"And you must be Kanaya Maryam." Aradia grinned, "I've gotta say, I've been looking forward to meeting you in person."

"Oh?"

"Yes. The way you type, well, I always pictured you'd be very fashionable."

"Are You Displeased?"

"No! You look fantastic!"

They proceeded to chatter about fashion and other friendly topics for nearly the entire battle.

"It ends today, Mindfang." Eridan smirked, standing with his rifle at ready. The moon glinted off his glasses, concealing his eyes while a gentle breeze flapped his scarf and cape.

"It certainly does, Dualscar." Vriska agreed. The breeze tugged at her blue buccaneer's coat as well as swirling her long black hair around. The moon was behind her and seemed to illuminate her silhouette, making her appear more imposing than usual. A set of eight eight-sided dice rolled in her hands, the infamous Flourite Octet. Eridan grimaced. This might actually be the end after all.

They locked eyes again, and within the blackness of each other's pupils, they saw their caliginous romance. Such beautiful hatred, however unstable it was in trollian culture. Eridan snapped Ahab's Crosshairs up and took aim right as Vriska threw the Flourite Octet. He pulled the trigger as the dice rolled. The shot was incredibly powerful, detonating with all the force one could expect. The ensuing pressure wave of heated air rolled over the battlefield and knocked several of the other trolls off-balance. Their attention immediately turned to their respective leaders' fighting.

As the smoke cleared, a glowing blue fortress wall was revealed to stand, unbroken, before Eridan's attack. The Flourite Octet had done their job well. Eridan roared in rage as laughter carried over the nighttime sky. He looked up and saw Vriska standing atop of the wall, smirking down at him.

"Nice try, Dualscar," she scoffed, "but the gem is mine!" She then started to run across the wall towards the pyramid. Eridan realized the wall had brought her to nearly the exact same level as the top of the pyramid.

"Creww! To me!" he ordered and began climbing the pyramid's vast steps frantically. The trolls of his team obeyed.

"Wh3r3 do you th1nk you'r3 go1ng, jugg4lo?" Terezi demanded, using her cane's handle to stop Gamzee's retreating self by his throat and turn him around, "You'r3 not g3tt1ng off th4t 3as1ly."

Sollux likewise stopped Feferi's retreat by levitating her into the air.

"2orry, fi2hliip2!" Sollux grinned, "But we're wiinniing thii2 round!"

"Um, yeah." Tavros said with obvious anxiety, "I can't, uh, let you go, Equius."

"Out of my way, lowb100d." the indigo-blooded troll easily pushed aside Tavros and the hoofbeast, as gently as he could so as not to harm such a glorious specimen. "Nepeta, our leader beckons."

"Ah, but I was having the _purr_fect time with Karkitty!" Nepeta whined. She had managed to pounce on top of him and used her claws to trap his arms to the ground while she purred close to his face. Karkat was very uncomfortable with the situation and spat numerous vulgarities, but his blushing face betrayed other responses.

"JUST GET OFF OF ME AND GO HELP YOU PATHETIC HIPSTER LEADER, YOU CHUTE-STUFFING SACK OF CATNIP!" Karkat growled indignantly, earning him a disapproving glower from Equius.

"KatNep!" Nepeta exclaimed, releasing Karkat and slapping her hands together, "That's a perfect name for our ship!"

"NO. NEPETA. STOP. PLEASE."

"Wwhat the hell is keeping evveryone?!" Eridan could be heard in the background, "I can tell none of you are fighting anymore!"

"Nepeta, our leader has ordered us to aide him in battle." Equius reminded her.

"What about Gamzee?" Nepeta pointed to the clown-troll still fighting Terezi.

"Eridan outran% him." Equius said.

"And Feferi?"

"Ah yes. A moment." Equius turned his attention to the fuschia-blooded ruler, "Your majesty, do you require assistance?"

") (mm?" Feferi snapped out of the conversation she had been having with Sollux and smiled, "O) (, no. We're fine, t) (ank you. ) (-Elp -Eridan before ) (e ends up ) (urting someone of ) (imself. You know ) (ow ) (e gets."

"As you command, your highness." Equius bowed, sweating slightly, "Kanaya, our leader is asking for our assistance."

"I'm Sure Nepeta And Yourself Will Be More Than Sufficient Reinforcement To Handle Vriska." Kanaya said neutrally.

"I'm giving you an order." Equius warned.

"Hey, just relax, Eq." Aradia smiled, "Kanaya and Feferi want to hang out with us for a bit."

"I will not allow fellow highb100ds to muddy themselves by associating with those of the lower hemosp%trum." Equius huffed before breaking into another sweat, "Are you _questioning_ my _orders_, rust-b100d?"

"Equius!" Nepeta gasped.

"Yeah, I am." Aradia said without a change in attitude, "They... don't really make any sense." Equius was silent for a moment, a fresh sheen of sweat coating his face.

"Oh my." he let out, "Then tell me, lowb100d, if our places were swapped, what would you... _order_ me to do?"

"Uh..." Aradia began, slightly unnerved at Equius' sweating and his ragged breathing, "I'd order you to obey Eridan's orders and let Kanaya stay here?"

"I will obey." Equius rasped out, sweating even more, before turning on his heel and leaving with Nepeta in tow. Aradia and Kanaya almost immediately returned to conversing while Gamzee and Terezi duked it out. Sollux and Feferi had already returned to their conversation and Tavros merely sat atop his hoofbeast next to a sulking Karkat.

"So, uh, Karkat-"

"SHUT UP TAV. JUST. SHUT UP." Karkat stopped him before he started.

Instead the two silently watched the leaving forms of Equius and Nepeta and Eridan and Vriska's progress towards the gem.

"Do you think we should, um, help Vriska?" Tavros asked, "Since she's, uh, our leader and all?"

"I'M SURE SHE CAN HANDLE HERSELF." Karkat rolled his eyes.

"That's not, uh, very captain-like of you."

Karkat sat silently as that hung in the air for awhile.

"FUCK YOU TAV, YOU AND YOUR SURPRISINGLY CAPABILITY WITH WORDS THROUGH GUILT-TRIPPING." Karkat stood up and jumped onto the saddle behind Tavros, "LET'S GO AFTER THEM BEFORE I REGRET THIS."

And so they rode towards the pyramid.

It was within his grasp. Just a few more inches and-

Got it!

But so did she...

"Let go, Vvrisk!" Eridan glowered.

"Or what, Dualscar?" Vriska laughed, "You're 8reaking character, you twit."

"Sorry I'm breakin' character, but I just climbed a fuckin' mountain!" Eridan growled, "Noww hand ovver the gem, Mindfang!"

"Fat chance!" Vriska laughed again, "There's only one way this is ending tonight, Orphaner, and that's with 8lood! Yours, or mine!"

"Havve it your wway, Spinneret." Eridan accepted the challenge. The two roleplaying trolls jumped backwards, preparing their weapons. A heft of a rifle stock, the flick of a wrist, a squeeze of the trigger and a roll of the die and it was all over.

Equius heard the shot and stopped short, looking up just as searing light was unleashed. The overpressure of weapon discharge shook him and he stood in between the shockwave and Nepeta. His shades, already cracked from his brute strength, all but shattered with the impact of heated air.

"Equius!" Nepeta squealed from behind her moirail, "What's going on?!"

"I'm not sure." he replied calmly, his voice barely carrying over the airburst. It ended shortly after and both Nepeta and Equius were stunned by what they saw.

"SHIT, WHERE THE HELL'D THAT COME FROM?!" Karkat growled as both he and Tavros were blasted off of the hoofbeast. The hoofbeast, now unreigned, ran away from the source of the blast in fear. Tavros frowned, but quickly turned his attention to the top of the pyramid. The flash had died down, leaving the apex of the pyramid wreathed in dying flames and smoke, obscuring the outcome. It wasn't long before the air pressure went back to normal.

"I think it was something bad." Tavros spat out, shock stealing his usual stammer.

"NO SHIT." Karkat rolled his eyes before staring into the settling smoke. His eyes widened. "NO WAY..."

The conversations stopped at the sound. Terezi and Gamzee, slightly exhausted from their fighting, were knocked off-balance by the shockwave. All eyes went to the distant pyramid, which was ablaze.

"Eridan!" Feferi cried out, hoping her moirail was alright.

"Vriska!" Kanaya shouted, worried for her moirail and flushed crush.

"Geeze guy2, way to forget the other2." Sollux scoffed.

"Oh no. The others." Aradia offered, "I'm sure they're fine."

"We Should Go Check On Them." Kanaya suggested.

"Agreed." Feferi nodded.

The group headed out and reached the base of the pyramid just as Karkat and Tavros reached the top, along with Equius and Nepeta. The smoke had cleared and they could see Vriska standing there with a scowl, but Eridan was floored and obscured from view. The only indication of his fate to those on the ground were the runnels of purple liquid staining the top steps. Feferi fainted and fell back into Sollux's arms.

"Holy 2hiit, guy2!" Sollux let out, startled at this turn of events, "Ii thought we were takiing iit ea2y!"

On top of the pyramid, while the other trolls tried to revive Feferi, Nepeta and Tavros tried to support a heavily injured Eridan. Karkat, stunned by the wrecked state his friend was in, turned on the spidery-troll.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE, VRISKA?" Karkat growled.

"I rolled a high roll, I'm sorry!" Vriska snapped back. She didn't look very sorry, though, "It was the 8fold Mirror, what can I say?"

"THE WHAT?" Karkat asked, dumbfounded.

"One of my Flourite Octet rolls." Vriska explained, "It t8s whatever damage is directed at me and fires it 8ack at the attacker at 8 times the power of the original attack."

"OH JEGUS!" Karkat turned back to his wounded friend.

"Don't worry, Kar." Vriska sighed in exasperation, "Eridan had his Aha8's Crosshairs set at 1/4th power."

"I'M NOT A GENIUS WHEN IT COMES TO MATH, BUT THAT IMPLIES HE WAS HIT WITH A TWICE-AS-STRONG OF A BLAST OF HIS WEAPON AT FULL POWER." Karkat noted, scowling.

"He can handle it, Kar." Vriska returned the scowl, "Eridan's tough."

"Yeah... Kar." Eridan managed to spit out, "I'm tough." His smirk ended when he coughed up a lot of violet blood and fell back into Tavros and Nepeta's concerned arms. Karkat grimaced.

"Trolls can take e%cessive amounts of damage and survive." Equius noted, "Even this severe of b100d loss shouldn't be enough to kill him."

"MAN, WHAT A SHITTY WEAPON." Karkat laughed.

"Fuck you!" Eridan growled, but cut out in a hacking cough.

"In the weapon's defense, the 8last barely hit him." Vriska admitted.

"It _grazed_ him, you mean?" Equius asked, smiling at his own pun. Only Nepeta giggled.

"YEAH, GREAT TIME FOR JOKES, EQUIUS." Karkat rolled his eyes, "AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BARELY HIT HIM? IT LOOKS LIKE HE TOOK A CANNON TO THE SIDE!"

"Wwhat?!" Eridan shot back up.

"Oh, don't 8e so dramatic! It looks fine, right guys?" Vriska asked the other trolls for support.

"Although the damage is quite e%tensive, he'll survive. I think." Equius noted.

"It looks _cat_astrophic, but what do I know?" Nepeta began poking the violet wreck of Eridan's side.

"You, uh, look fine. Maybe?" Tavros avoided looking at the wound. It was pretty gross.

"Wow." Vriska deadpanned, "You're all helpful."

"Am I going to die?" Eridan asked, suddenly concerned.

"QUIT BEING A CRYBABY, AMPORA. YOU'LL LIVE." Karkat assured his friend.

After that, they helped carry Eridan down the pyramid to the rest of the waiting trolls. Feferi had recovered and tightly embraced her wounded moirail ("Ouch! Fef!"). Kanaya used her sewing skills to patch up Eridan's wound, oddly consoling him more than Feferi could. Vriska and Feferi watched the two of them with no small part of moirail-jealousy. After Eridan was all patched up, the trolls prepared to head their different ways.

"Oh, you found, uh, Butterhooves." Tavros smiled as he saw Equius arrive on the back of his runaway hoofbeast. "He, um, seems to like you."

"Really?" Equius asked.

"Yeah." Tavros looked up at Equius, "Hey, you could, um, keep him if you wanted."

"Are you sure?" Equius blinked, startled.

"Yep. He likes you and, uh, I have a lot at home." Tavros explained, "They're becoming a handful to, um, take care of."

"Very well, lowb100d." Equius gave a very weak attempt at smiling, "I accept your offer. You have my thanks." Before the conversation could continue, Equius rode off and stopped beside Aradia.

"Rust-b100d." Equius said, before swallowing, "I mean..._ Aradia_." Her name came out in a husky breath.

"Yeah?" Aradia asked, less unnerved than before.

"Would you like to go for a ride on hoofbeast-back?" Equius asked, "It is quite e%quisite, and if a highb100d like myself and a lowb100d like yourself were to engage in the activity together, it would be very... _scandalous_."

"Um... Well, I would but I'm waiting for-" Aradia turned around and saw Feferi talking to Sollux, both were laughing and and giggling while talking about who knows what. She frowned, slightly disheartened, before turning back to the strong figure before her. "Sure. Why not?"

She took his offered hand, cringing slightly at the pressure he exerted but seeing that he was trying to be gentle, she smiled reassuringly. Secure in the saddle, they rode off together. Meanwhile, Gamzee had approached Tavros.

"HoW's It GoInG mY bEsTeSt Of BrOs?" Gamzee asked, standing very close to Tavros.

"Oh, it's, uh, going great Gamzee." Tavros beamed up at his good friend.

"YoU wAnNa Go MaKe OuT?" Gamzee asked out of the blue.

"I, uh, what?" Tavros asked.

"YoU hEaRd Me, MoThErFuCkEr." Gamzee grinned.

"uh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"

While this conversation was going on, Sollux and Feferi continued there own.

"You know, Ii can 2ee why fii2hdiick ii2 2o cliingy wiith you." Sollux smirked, "You're pretty cute." He immediately turned around and facepalmed, "2tupiid, 2tupiid!"

") (a) (a, Sol, you're not stupid." Feferi smiled brightly, "And if it makes you f-E-El better, I t) (ink you're pretty cute too." Sollux blushed and began stuttering like an idiot.

Eridan watched from a distance with a scowl. Sure, he was happy that Feferi was his moirail, and she more than carried her share of the relationship, but he still had a bit of a red crush on her. It wouldn't have frustrated him so much if it hadn't been with -ugh- the mustard-blooded Sollux. If he wasn't in a healthy Kismesissitude with Vriska, he'd definately make some sort of blackrom advance on Sollux.

Speaking of Vriska, she was giving her own potent glare in Gamzee and Tavros' direction. Those two were getting a little too chummy for her tastes. It was pretty obvious that Gamzee was putting some red moves on her own red crush. God, how she hated that worthless, weak, spineless, handsome, caring, loving, kind... Vriska only scowled more and fought down a blush. This wasn't helping.

Kanaya watched Vriska watch Tavros and Gamzee, identifying the telltale signs of jealousy etched on her face. She was crushing hard and it pained Kanaya to see that. Why couldn't Vriska love her as something more than moirails? Not for the first time, Kanaya sympathized with Eridan and his situation.

"Equius left me behind!" Nepeta said in disbelief, "_Fur_ that girl, no less!"

"IT'S A COMMON CASE OF A BUDDING REDROM OVERPOWERING THE OTHER QUADRANTS." Karkat noted, surprising Nepeta, "REDROMS TEND TO BE ONE OF THE MOST POTENT QUADRANTS, ALONG WITH BLACKROMS, SO WHEN A NEW ONE TAKES SHAPE, THE RECIPIENT TENDS TO FORGET ABOUT HIS OTHER QUADRANTS FOR A TIME. HE SHOULD SNAP BACK INTO REALITY AND REMEMBER HIS COMMITMENTS IN TIME."

"Wow, Karkitty." Nepeta all but swooned, "I ne_fur_ pegged you _fur_ a romantic."

"PLEASE. I'M A FUCKING SAVANT WITH ROMANCE." Karkat scoffed, rolling his eyes, "I KNOW VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FUNCTIONS OF TROLLIAN RELATIONSHIPS AND QUADRANTS. IT'S MORE THAN A HOBBY. IT'S A PASSION."

"I have a similar hobby." Nepeta said, pleasantly surprised by this turn of events, "I keep track of all potential relationships on my shipping wall!"

"THAT'S STUPID." Karkat said, but continued speaking after a second's pause, "ALL POSSIBLE SHIPS?"

"E_furry_one _paws_ible!" Nepeta exclaimed, "In fact, I could use your help. You're so good with relationships, you might be able to help me predict which pairings are most likely!"

"DAMN RIGHT I'M GOOD AT RELATIONSHIPS." Karkat boasted.

"Then let's go!" Nepeta said. Karkat took the lead with gusto. While he wasn't looking, Nepeta allowed herself a naughty thought and blushed, drooling slightly. _Going back to MY place..._

Karkat kept walking, thinking over possible ships and how they could work out before he analyzed his current situation and blushed. _FUCK._

After Karkat and Nepeta had left, Terezi scowled. She wasn't about to admit it to anyone, but she was beginning to harbor a slight crush on Karkat, though she couldn't tell if it was flushed or caliginous. Speaking of caliginous crushes, it looked like Gamzee was bombing with Tavros. Gog, how uncomfortable the brown-blooded troll looked. Terezi walked over to them and put herself in between the stunned Tavros and the stoner clown.

"Wh4t's go1ng on h3r3, boys?" she asked, eyeing both of them even though she was blind.

"JuSt AsKiNg My MoThErFuCkInG bRo HeRe If He WaNtEd To SwAp SpIt." Gamzee said. _Wow,_ Terezi thought, _No wonder Tav is uncomfortable_.

"C4n't you s33 the guy's uncomfort4bl3, G4mz?" Terezi said, smirking.

"Oh YeAh. NoW tHaT yOu MeNtIoN iT." Gamzee tilted his head.

"Tavros, what are you doing?" Vriska's voice cut through the conversation. All eyes turned towards her scowling visage.

"I was, uh, being uncomfortable." Tavros laughed but stopped and cleared his throat in nervousness, "Gamzee wanted to, um, make out with me."

"What?!" Vriska scoffed, "Please, he's nowhere near confident enough to 8e making out with anyone." Terezi, being good friends with Vriska and knowing about her flushed feelings for Tavros, smiled slyly.

"Sounds l1k3 wh4t h3 n33ds 1s 4 good co4ch, 3h Vr1sk?" she suggested, lowering he glasses to shoot Vriska a wink. Vriska blushed and glared back at her friend, "Mmm! Som3th1ng sm3lls l1k3 blu3b3rr13s!" Vriska rolled her eyes and immediately changed gears.

"You know what, Terezi? I think you're right." Vriska grabbed Tavros both firmly and gently by the chin and turned his head to face her, "I wouldn't mind offering my services."

"I, uh, what?" Tavros stuttered, blushing.

"I'm going to teach you how to kiss properly, chocolate-8blood." Vriska wrapped her arm around his waist and began dragging him away, "Quit squirming!"

"Wait, what's going on here? Um, somebody please help?" Tavros continued to stumble over his words even after Vriska and him were out of sight. There was a short lapse in his speech before he said, briefly, "Oh, uh,,, Oh my." then silence.

"ThAt CoUlD hAvE bEeN mE." Gamzee said. His usual dopey smile disappeared and a flash of something dark and vile crossed his eyes for a second, "that could have been... MOTHERFUCKING ME."

"W3ll, now w3'r3 both 1n the s4me bo4t, clown." Terezi sighed, "So g3t ov3r yours3lf." A silence hung in the air as the two of them moped for a bit.

"Do YoU wAnNa MaKe OuT, mY bUlGeBlOcKiNg BiTcH?" Gamzee asked, breaking the silence.

"1'm not your b1tch." Terezi huffed, and after a pause added, "But, y34h, why not?" The two of them went off to have their own sloppy makeout session.

Kanaya watched, disheartened as her crush had left to fulfill her redrom fantasies. Then she began to cry. Eridan, standing with the aide of a crutch, had been brooding against a tree before he overheard Kanaya crying. He saw her make-up running but just stood there like an idiot for a few minutes. She opened her eyes and sniffled at him.

"Um. There there?" Eridan offered weakly.

"Is That Really The Best You Can Do?" Kanaya asked, wiping her eyes slightly. The attempt had been so pathetic, it brought a smile tugging at her lips. Eridan sat down next to her, cringing as pain shot through his side. "Careful. You Could Undo The Stitching."

"I'm bein' careful, Kan." Eridan huffed as he finally sat down, "Wwhat's got you dowwn?"

"I Suppose It's Nothing." Kanaya admitted, finishing drying her eyes.

"Wwell, if that ain't the biggest load a' hoofbeast-shit I'vve heard all day." Eridan snorted, "The fashion queen of Alternia does not smeer her make-up ovver "nothin'"." Eridan laughed at the idea and Kanaya brightened a little.

"It's Just..." she began, "I Have A Crush On My Moirail."

"Ouch." Eridan quit laughing and frowned, "Flushed crush?" Kanaya nodded, "I knoww howw that feels, Kan, I really do."

"I Know."

They sat, staring at the stars for awhile in silence. Sollux and Feferi had left hours ago, more than likely to make out. It seemed like everyone was doing that today. Well, almost everyone. Eridan let his eyes glide over to where Kanaya was laying less than a foot away from him. She almost looked like she was glowing. She turned her head to look at him and he looked back at the sky, blushing. He'd been staring.

"So, Kan." he said with some trepidation, "I wwanted to thank you for savvin' my life an' all."

"It Wasn't A Problem, Eridan." Kanaya assured him.

"I'm shore it wwasn't, Kan. You'vve alwways been so kind like that. Givvin' an' all." Eridan shrugged, now fully avoiding eye contact, "Wwhenevver I talk about killin' landwwellers, I'm alwways sure to leavve you out a' my plans, 'cause you're so swwell."

"Was That A Sea Pun?" Kanaya asked, smiling.

"Maybe." Eridan rubbed the back of his head, "I'm kinda used to makin' them. It's a seadwwellin' thing."

"I Like It." Kanaya said. Eridan turned back around, surprised.

"Really?" he asked.

"Indeed." Kanaya nodded, "I Find It Endearing." then, with eyes downcast and a sly smile on her lips, she added quietly, "And Kind Of... Cute." Eridan's mouth hung open slightly since he was so stunned.

"So..." Eridan coughed nervously, though gently enough not to tear his injured throat up anymore than it already was, "Wwhat should wwe do noww?"

"I'm Not Much For Peer Pressure, But If There Was Ever A Time To Follow The Examples Set Forth By Our Friends, Now Might Be a Good Time." Kanaya said smartly, smiling all the while. Eridan sat quietly for a few minutes, processing what it meant. When it registered he blushed.

"Oh!" he said, "Oh, uh, shore!"

"You're Beginning To Sound Like Tavros." Kanaya smirked, moving her face in closer.

"Yeah, and I'm beginnin' to swweat like Eq." Eridan muttered, rolling his eyes at his own anxiety. He was made of sterner stuff than this!

"What Was That?" Kanaya asked.

"Just somefin about howw beautiful your eyes look in the moonlight." Eridan said, as smoothly as he could manage. Kanaya actually blushed. _Point: 1, Eridan Ampora_. Eridan smirked in triumph.

Their lips connected and fireworks lit up the backs of their eyelids. Both of them were startled by the utter electricity of the moment. Simply amazing. When they broke the kiss for air, they were both slightly dizzy and rested against the other for support.

"Wwe should hang out more often." Eridan suggested.

"How About Later Today?" Kanaya asked.

"Durin' the day? Kan, that's a bit outta my element." Eridan said. Kanaya's smile didn't disappear, but he could tell she was a little disappointed.

"Yes, I Forget That Most Trolls Hate The Sunlight." Kanaya nodded with remorse.

"But if you wwanted to, wwe could hang out at the beach later today." Eridan offered, "That wway wwe'll both be in our elements." Kanaya smiled at that.

"That'd Be Nice." she cozied around Eridan more and rested there with him.

"Wwake me in the mornin', then." Eridan smiled. He yawned shortly after and fell asleep in Kanaya's lap.

Kanaya smiled softly and watched the stars. Morning wasn't too far off.


End file.
